Mixed Memories
I was born in 1955 to Mr. Samuel Ogbemudia and the then Mrs. Elizabeth Ogbemudia. When I was seven years old, my mum separated from my dad and remarried. With the wisdom of hindsight, I realized they married rather too early. My dad, a sergeant in the army, must have been in his early 20’s, maybe age 23, and my mother could not have been more than 18. I felt the
absence of my mum. I went through much pain and trauma when she left us. Several times, I would silently wish she would walk through the door and come and stay. Gradually, however, the activities at home and at school took up my time and attention, and the pain receded.
I was a happy child, even though the cane was there ready to be administered, not just by my dad or stepmother, but by the neighbours as well. I grew up like any other child of the time. We did not have much money to afford the luxuries children have these days, but I had my own share of childhood fun. I loved being outdoors. I loved the sunshine, people, activities, noise and exhilarating excitement of being outdoors. I used to hawk a lot for my grandmother who sold dressed chickens from her small poultry. Outdoors was not as frightening as it is now. I remember there was no fence in our house then; one simply walked into the street from the front door of one’s house.
Demonstrative love was a rarity those days, especially since ours was a polygamous home. There were no ‘hugs’ and ‘kisses’ as we give our children now. But my dad expressed his love for us through consistent financial provision and moral support. What more could one expect of a father who had to sell his pair of army boots in order to pay the hospital bill when I was born? He was just a sergeant in the army then and could not afford to pay the hospital bill in the hospital I was born. He went around looking for money to borrow but no one was ready to lend him anything. He
remembered his new pair of boots, he sold it and after three days of staying in the hospital corridor my mother and my little self were set free. It is no irony that today I fight the course of the babies who are abandoned in hospitals by their hardhearted mothers because of the inability to pay.
I thank God that mine did not abandon me and that I have become a mother to those who were abandoned. My father worked hard and was blessed with promotions accompanied with increased financial earnings. He finally was able to give us the life he had always dreamt of giving us, a moderate but adequate lifestyle.
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Being Brigadier Samuel Ogbemudia’s daughter instilled discipline in me. I knew there was a standard below which I could not go. I never wanted people to look at me and say, ‘Oh, she’s Ogbemudia’s daughter, why then is she behaving like that?’ I had always been conscious of that name and I tried to see that the reputation that goes along with it is preserved. I was closer to
my dad, even though people are quick to conclude that kids from separated homes tend to be closer to their mum. I could not be close to my mum because she was not around. We were three from my mother, my younger sisters and I. We were with our grandmother most of the time because my dad was transferred to several places at various times. But he took time to visit us and to meet our financial needs.
I visited my mum from time to time but I was never emotionally attached to her. She remarried and had other children and I empathized with her a lot after her separation from my dad. Even at that tender age, I took responsibility of her welfare. I consider myself a good daughter for loving and caring for her; my prayer is that all my numerous children will make my old age blissful by taking care of me. My stepmother did her best to care for us, though there is nothing like a child having the security of his or her parents at home. I wouldn’t say I experienced emotional satisfaction from the kind of family set up I grew up in. It rather instilled in me, from a tender age, the urge and strong determination to succeed, to make it and make my father and siblings proud.
Governor’s Daughter with Much Trouble!
My participation in sports in the then Midwest State in my growing up days stands out clearly in my mind. I won prizes most times in the 400 metres and 800 metres. I was very skinny, and people would say it was the wind that was blowing and carrying me to victory! I was always exulted at my strings of success, but at a stage I allowed my restlessness to put me in trouble. I played truancy in school because I never liked the idea of staying in the
boarding house. I hated boarding school and wanted to go to school from home. I did my best to avoid remaining in the boarding house because the senior girls used to be very wicked. But my constant absenteeism from school only angered them the more. They were determined to curb that independent streak in me.
They often punished junior students and it was worse for me because at that time, my dad had just become the governor of the state and they seemed to enjoy punishing me more. It was as if they seized every opportunity to remind me that I was still a junior student that could be subjected to punishment even though my dad was a governor. I recall an incident when we were told to choose our school mothers and this particular senior chose me. Since I didn’t want her to be my school mother, I wrote a letter to her to that effect, not knowing it was a crime to have done that. She took me to her hostel that evening and I remained there till the following morning. She made me kneel and carry a chair, in spite of the pleas from some of her mates to release me. Eventually, the headmistress had to intervene. I then chose another school mother who was nice to me. Schooling was filled with constant moving around. I attended St. Peter’s Primary School, Kaduna, and finished primary education at Holy Arhosa Primary School, Benin City.
Secondary school was at Anglican Girl’s Grammar School and Mary Mount College, Agbor. After graduation, I was admitted to the Ahmadu Bello University (ABU). I worked with a couple of firms, after ABU. I also worked with the First Bank of Nigeria for about five years. When I left the bank, I went into business with my husband; it was in the eighth year of working together with him that I received the call to begin the ministry I’m in today. I still manage the business with my husband. It’s convenient for me to do that as well as run the Strong Tower Mission. After I got the call, I went to the International Bible Institute of London. On my return I was ordained a minister and I started the Strong Tower Mission, which is not a church but an outreach ministry to the needy in society.
In Anglican Girl’s Grammar School, Daisy Danjuma was my school mother. She was not much older than me because she was in year three and I was in year one, but she was really nice to me. Those days, one takes care of one’s school mother, and not the other way round; one washed their clothes, and even served them from the dinning hall. They did not have to go to the dinning hall or wash their clothes. The school daughter served them. However, Sisi Daisy looked after my interests as well. She has been like an elder sister for as long as I can remember. Moreover, we went to the same university. Mrs. Dere Awosika was also in AGGS and interestingly was in ABU as well. We both married Yoruba men and we have maintained a long-standing friendship.
My dad had to remove me from AGGS because this particular boarding school was laden with hardship for me. I was not a settled child and things got so bad to the point that I took an overdose of sleeping pills in my year three because I had got into so much trouble with seniors. I could no longer stand the verbal and physical abuse. When I left AGGS to Mary Mount, the scenario was the opposite. There was mutual respect. There was no reference to seniors as ‘Sisi’ and no servitude. I settled down and did my WASC well. Our Rev. Sister at Mary Mount College, Agbor, touched my life immensely. She was particularly bent on correcting the way I walked then. So anytime she saw me walking down the road, she would run after me and say, ‘Christiana, you can’t walk like that. Straighten your back!’ She felt I was behaving and walking like a tomboy. She helped in giving me ladylike qualities and she cared about every single student. It was through her encouragement we were all able to apply to the universities. That is one thing I can’t forget in a lifetime, my admission to ABU, Zaria. I never thought it could happen so simply: filling the forms in the classroom and getting the letter of admission… those were wonderful times, really.
The catholic reverend sisters really challenged me (as I look back to those days in the secondary school). I used to watch them closely and admire them. I would wonder what could have informed their decision to remain celibates for life, because I certainly had grand hopes to marry. I remember we used to think about the kind of husbands we were going to marry and wished God would open the heavens and reveal them to us. I found it strange then that someone could give up marriage and motherhood in the service of God and neighbour. The reverend sisters’ courageous surrender so touched me deeply that I made a mental vow to God to render my life in service to Him someday. Up till then, all I knew about God was His awesomeness and the privilege to be able to serve Him. Though I was a baptized churchgoer, I did not have any personal relationship with Him because I did not know how. When I got born again, however, everything about me changed and I wanted to devote my life and resources serving God. That was how the Strong Tower Mission was born.
Managing Little Saints
Initially, I did not see the work as challenging. I took the work as a personal project and I invested everything I had in it. The property that the children are presently using was formerly used for my business. My husband was very supportive and he gave me all the help I needed. But as time went on, I realized I couldn’t do it all by myself. Getting human-power was the first major challenge I encountered. Nigeria is not a voluntary society; nobody wants to come into an orphanage and do anything. They are ready to give and go, but not to sit down and plan the nitty-gritty of running an orphanage.
I remember asking a close friend to assist sometime ago and she said, ‘Oh, Dele, you are the one God gave the vision, not me…!’ So it was difficult getting nannies. I had to send people to the villages to help look for nannies because Lagos’ nannies would not see why they should be looking after orphans when they could be in posh homes looking after rich folks’ kids! Quite remarkably, the nannies from the village did the job. One of them was with us for almost eight years. In order to reward her, the mission sent her to a fashion school and today, she is a fashion designer.
The other big challenge came when the children started multiplying in number. I had not imagined the children would be more than twenty. I had thought the maximum number God would give me to care for was twenty-five and my mind was fixed on that, but by the third year we had over seventy babies and it became overwhelming. I actually feared that God had forsaken me because I missed the point, somehow. All our resources were going there, everything we were making in the business. It is quite expensive taking care of babies: feeding, educating them, paying staff salaries, hospital routines, etc. My husband was not complaining, but I could see signs of stress all over him.
I prayed about it and then God inspired me to put up the kids for adoption, which did not go down well with me at first. I saw the kids as my children, part of the George’s family, but I also knew that by holding on to them I would be disobeying God. So, I went to the social welfare and found out that they already had a lot of potential adopters on the waiting list. So we started adoption in 1997. However, as the babies went for adoption so did more babies come from the streets. We have a very good adoption procedure in place now. It is possible for us to contact the adopters. The babies get the care they need and we are excited and satisfied. People began to donate and the media began to talk of the orphanage.
All our children are in private schools and some in various universities presently. Getting manpower is still a major challenge because people’s attitude to the needy in Nigeria is still below expectation and below standard. It’s so bad that even when people see these children of the orphanage well dressed and well cared for, some of them ask, ‘Are you sure they are orphans?’ But that’s exactly the message we’re giving Nigerians: that God still expects those who are considered ‘less privileged’ to be well cared for. We plan to build more rehabilitation centres. God gave us a mandate to build five, and we’ve built two. Money is a big challenge but we work day and night to make sure we are able to provide the resources for the vision. We have two rehabilitation centres in Lagos, one at Akowonjo and the other at Abule Egba. The latter is for women with unplanned pregnancies.
We hope to build a rehabilitation centre at Badagry for children with HIV and children with special needs, because we believe children in these categories haven’t been paid adequate attention. We intend to build the rehabilitation centre to suit the different groups of people and care specially for their needs. The mission has a three-tier programme of rehabilitation, reformation and re-integration of all the groups of the needy that come under
our care. We train our human-power on entry stage specifically for our programmes. We do not network with similar agencies that have our kind of vision because in my view, networking is a totally different programme altogether.
I think someone who would do that (i.e. networking with agencies of similar vision) needs to have that as a ministry, as his or her work. It would rather be too tedious for me to take that up with our schedule of work. You need to be available to bring everyone together. I believe God has raised a man to do that. I attended a meeting on such a project recently and the man tried to network all the orphanages in Nigeria. There were participants from Kaduna and other places. It was very fulfilling meeting other founders. Still all orphanages in Nigeria will need to have an association in other to curb fake orphanages.
Seeds of Fruitfulness
‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ has been my philosophy since I was young. If I want something from somebody I must be ready to give it, even to the little and simple things of life. If I want a smile, I have to give a smile. I have always known that whatever I want has to originate from me. Today, Nigerians complain of so many things they lack and yet are not prepared to give out anything. Maybe it’s partly because I
don’t believe I can fail in anything I set my heart to; as long as it originates from me, it will be a fruitful venture. Many people say this (i.e. do unto others as you would want them to do unto you) a lot but they don’t seem to understand it. We mustn’t wait for the next person to do something.
Marriages fail today because each partner is waiting for the other to do what he or she could have done, forgetting that one will get back as much as one gives. My dad always wanted male children. My mother, the first wife, had three girls; the second had another three and it was obvious my dad could not wait to have a son. It was evident a male child was not in the family, so at that
young age, I felt discriminated against and this caused me a lot of unhappiness. My father might not understand. It caused me some unhappiness then; now I understand that my dad was just responding to family pressure for an heir to carry his family name. The discrimination was not verbal but I felt he did not really love me, since no explanation was given. It was not until I grew up that I realized it was a societal demand. Though I don’t consider myself a feminist, this was one of the reasons that
motivated my wanting to succeed in anything I do, and with a wonderful husband who takes good care of me, my dreams finally came through.
Apart from the orphanage, we have Family Relief Centre for adults, especially widows, the elderly and the unemployed. We give the widows money for petty trading, knowing economic independence is a sure avenue to being empowered. We send some of our young women who give birth to ‘unplanned’ children to learn trades like hairdressing and fashion designing. Both men and women face challenges in life. Interestingly, many people have supported this ministry because I’m a woman. Maybe a man wouldn’t get as much support as I am getting at the moment. The favour is enormous and maybe it is because as a woman, it is easy to motivate people to stand by me because they are convinced of the roles I am playing as a mother and a vessel of compassion to all the little saints. In the Christian world, women have difficulty taking off on any vision; but it is getting better. Many people are beginning to support women, even single mothers who head churches are receiving encouragement. However, we need more support especially in the field of politics.
One of the areas I’m very pleased with is the adoption of the children. When we started the orphanage, adoption was not common. People had many false notions about children in orphanages. Some thought the babies were children of armed robbers or prostitutes. So, they were generally apprehensive about adopting babies. But here, due to the excellent care we give to our children, they have found that these babies are normal, beautiful and adorable. Today we have a waiting list of adopters in the orphanage. All adopters are closely monitored by the orphanage and social welfare. We have been able to enhance adoption procedures. People go early to the social welfare department in the ministry and get themselves registered, and for that, we are glad. Our babies hardly stay long here; they get adopted fast. Since our orphanage started, over 400 children have been adopted or reconciled to their biological families. We have never charged money for adoption and we will never charge. The babies are for love and not for sale!
We have also reduced the mortality rate of abandoned children as mothers with unplanned pregnancies are being encouraged to simply walk into the orphanage or any police station to give up their babies without the fear of prosecution. This has saved the lives of so many babies. In 2001, we completed a two hundred-bed hostel to rehabilitate more street children. In 2004, we built a dormitory in Abule-Egba for the rehabilitation of women with unplanned pregnancies. In 2002, a two-storey building was completed in Palmgrove for the purpose of administration of the mission and training of missionaries. In 2005, the CEO of Four Score Homes, Mr. Femi Osibona donated a beautiful building christened Dorcas Osibona House to the orphanage for the rehabilitation of our girls. All the children consider the orphanage a home because we give them adequate love, attention and care. That is what we wanted to achieve, and by and large, we are getting there. We have been able to influence societal perception of orphans. They are no more seen from a negative light. People
are more sensitive towards them, even towards the physically challenged and those who are HIV positive.
The average person would hesitate to carry an HIV positive baby; but here, they are encouraged to do so when they see the healthy state of the child. We have been able to draw out from people this compassionate spirit and it is the reason we have a band called ‘The Compassion Band’. We have a vision and we want everybody to give more love to those desperately in need of it. During Christmas in 2003, for example, many people made donations in cash and kind. The media is not left out; they have consistently featured the orphanage and its activities. More people visit the children, and they give their support too. The awards that I received are ways that individuals and organizations have shown recognition and appreciation for the work of the mission.
God has given us the mandate to build five orphanages. Our plan is to have an orphanage in either Benin, Ibadan and some other location. We have the property already at Ibadan donated by my husband and there is a land in Benin. We want to achieve the successes we’ve achieved in Lagos in other places as well. We inculcate in our children the spirit of excellence, love and
compassion. I tell the children: society has done so much for you, because I am not the only one taking care of you. So, society expects a lot from you. You mustn’t leave here and go and be a nuisance out there. When you leave Little Saints Orphanage, give back to society what it has given to you. I make them vow to that commitment, and I know that by the grace of God, they won’t fail.
We keep in touch with our adoptive parents. We try not to go to them; they come to us because some adopters are very secretive about their adoption.
They send us pictures or call us on the phone. At times, they write to us to let us know how happy they are. We have no problems in keeping in touch with them; even the ones abroad send mails. I received a mail from Jemima recently. She is one of our babies that was adopted and I marveled that she is already sending mails. Some good orphanages have sprung up in the past two years. This is encouraging.
Unconditional Love
I had my twenty-fifth anniversary in December 2003 and I can confidently say that marriage is a mixture of sweet and sour experiences. Our prayer is that the sweet times outweigh the sour times. My husband and I have gone through a lot of emotional, financial challenges, and the challenges of bringing up the kids. But I am glad we have come through stronger and more in love with each other. Being determined to make one’s union last is what matters. It was no problem marrying someone outside of my ethnic group or state. My mum, for example, speaks Yoruba fluently and my dad speaks Hausa and Yoruba. The only objection raised was that they felt I was rushing into marriage; they felt I was too young and so wanted me to further my career before marriage. Apart from that, there was no problem. The secret of success in any marital union is accepting each other
unconditionally. Friendship must be cultivated before marriage. Consider the relationship between God and Abraham. God called him his friend. That explains why he could not hide anything from him. He accepted him unconditionally. It’s easier to forgive when the cord of friendship is strong between the two. One would be able to survive the storms that will rage against the union. The problem these days is that many people are jumping into marriage without much thought, maybe due to parental/peer pressure.
They later find that they cannot stand their partner’s behaviour or personality. It is no wonder then that after a few months of being together they find out that they’re in big trouble. Friendship is pivotal and it means being each other’s confidant, not being ashamed in each other’s presence. Many don’t understand what love is, they think it is all about breaking out in goose pimples and experiencing rapid heartbeats! It is a commitment, a covenant to accept the other person unconditionally and be there for him or her for life. One lesson I have learnt from being a mother is that one can never give too much love. Many people think that giving much love and attention to a child will make him or her spoilt; but that is not true. From my experience, love can’t be too much. One must not undermine discipline, but there must be a good blend of the two. If a child is being disciplined and not shown love, s/he grows up to become hardened in heart. I believe in a lot of demonstrative, expressive, and visible love. One must say to one’s children, ‘I love you’. I have three wonderful biological children and there were many hugs and kisses for them. Now, they have grown up to love and respect those around them. My belief might be partly due to the upbringing I had where there was no expressive or no demonstrative love.
My husband is a disciplinarian. He never hesitated to smack our kids when they were growing up. As soon as they were teenagers though, he stopped spanking them. To raise good children, one must have imbibed in them right attitudes and values before they reach the age of twelve, if not, it will be hard to inculcate these values in them afterwards. Equally important is that children must be allowed to be what they want to be. They must not be
forced to live their parents’ dreams. For example, if a parent wanted to become a doctor and was unable to, then the parent must not in any way compel or manipulate the child to become one. One must realize and recognize the different talents God has put in everyone of us in order to avoid frustration and failure.
Motherhood is fulfilling. It starts right from giving birth when one holds the baby in one’s arms and feels, ‘oh, this came from me’. One part of womanhood is motherhood. Everyone has the privilege of being a mother, biologically and/or through adoption. When teenage mothers lament that they do not want to keep their babies, I always tell them that babies are gifts, maybe not to them but to society, to humanity, because there is a void in the universe meant for every child to fill. The Bible says, ‘Blessed is the person whose quiver is filled with children, he will speak with enemies at the gate’. I think that is wonderful, to be able to confront challenges in life because of the gift of children; to be able to stand against one’s enemies because of the presence and support of one’s children.
As women, we must not let ourselves to be negatively influenced by men, money or the cares of the world. It’s fulfilling enough being a woman, with all the attributes that can only be hers. Words fail me in expressing the joy I feel at being able to care for God’s little saints. I imagined myself to be very special to God because he planned for me to do it, because in raising a child, one is raising a nation. I have been privileged to raise over 500 children, so it means I’m raising nations, and the children will keep multiplying until the world ends. What a divine privilege!
Zest for Life
I love reading novels and inspirational books a lot. I also like swimming and dining out. Travelling used to be another favourite pastime, but because of the schedule with the children, I don’t travel as often as I would have loved to. My favourite food is salad with lots of dressing. What’s the point of taking salad without the dressing? It’s like eating leaves. I am not indulgent
when it comes to eating habits, but I believe we need to enjoy our meals. I’m not fanatical about abstaining from this or that to keep in good health. We should abstain from habits that are destructive to health: smoking, drinking, etc. But we should eat what we love to eat. For instance, if you love ice cream, go for it, but eat it in moderation. Don’t be so hard on yourself to the
point that you lose your joy and zest for life. The best thing is enjoying the good things of life in moderation. It’s funny really. When I was young, I wanted to add some flesh to my skinny build. Now, I wish I could do away with some fat.
I am a wife with a deep commitment and devotion to my husband, who I appreciate a lot because of his love and empathy for me since the day I met him. I am a mother with transforming love for children. I see God’s investment in all my children and I want them to be who and what God wants them to be. Furthermore, I’m a Nigerian who loves my nation because I have no other nation. I want to make my own contribution to society. I want to be remembered for my love and devotion to God through my ministry to the children. Above all, I know I’m the apple of God’s eye, an ambassador of heaven, a soldier of the cross with an unquenchable passion.
